Third Time's a Charm!?

Alrighty then!

Here I am again. Now 4 months since the last post. And another 5 lbs heavier. I am seeing a pattern here.....

I just published that post even though it wasn't complete (hence the abrupt ending, sorry about that). It just goes to show how truly frustrating this pesky weight loss problem is. I constantly start something new and constantly fail at achieving my goal. Since that last post I have started and stopped Weight Watchers approximately 7 times. I re-joined the gym. And I stopped going to the gym. And I officially gained a dress size. Writing these last few sentences is hard. Really hard. It is basically like spray painting I AM A BIG FAT FAILURE across the side of a building. I achieve so much in so many other parts of my life, why can't I succeed at this? *Moment of reflection and self-pity*

Ok. Not that I got that out of the way....... You must be wondering what I have to post now. Yet another declaration of motivation and determination that will just lead to another pity party of failure (if it even gets posted)? I promise you that is not what this post is about (at least I hope). Yes it is a post that is to mark a new beginning. However, I am not motivated and determined. I am not celebrating a minimal weight loss or a good run of exercise. Nope. I am actually scared shitless. I am full of self doubt. I'm desperately trying to not predict my likely failure (although my mind wanders that way quite often). However, I also now see a glimmer of hope. Yes, a tiny sliver of true hope that in one years time I will actually be a resident of One-derland. What, you ask, is causing this new found leap of faith? Well.......I, ladies and gentlemen, have made the decision to undergo weight loss surgery. Yep. There it is. Surgery to help lose weight. Gastric Banding surgery to be exact. You may have heard it called Lap-Band Surgery. I have not come to this decision lightly, and continue to obsessively research all there is to know about the procedure, including what to expect pre-op and what my life will be like post-op. There is a ton of information out there, and I have learned that this will be a 100% complete life-style change. It is quite a process. And honestly just a REALLY BIG F-ING DEAL! 

And that is why I write to you today. I hope to use this blog as an outlet and a diary of sorts to document the monumental journey I am about to embark on. I have come across several blogs while partaking in my research, and have felt such solace in reading about the journeys of women who have begun before me. So on top of the purely selfish reasons for me writing this blog, I truly hope to provide help and insight to others who may be considering this journey. (I promise to find some new words for journey =P)

Thanks for reading!
Jess